If you thought that hamsters were adorable creatures who love nothing more than to munch on veggies, sleep in a sweet little ball and perform acrobatic stunts while hanging from the bars of their cages, I’m here to set the record straight.
Hamsters are savage cannibals!
Do not let their cute, furry faces distract you from their quest for world domination. Behind those beady little eyes is the mind of a killer.
No What to Expect When You Have a Fucking Stupid Pet book could have prepared me for the macabre scenes that have occurred in my House of Hamster…
I am so ducking done with you.
For years you’ve made my life a living he’ll…no, hell! I want to say hell, dammit!! No one ends a sentence with he’ll. Other than right there, of course.
I’d like to say you have made a fool of me for the last time, if only I could figure out a way to disable you. But no, you are like a fifteen-year-old boy, perpetually turned on.
How has this really impacted your life, you ask? …
Dear Open Letter Enthusiasts,
Today, Friday, April 2, 2021, is your last day to enter our first Open Letters Contest!
WAIT, WHAT?? There’s an Open Letters contest??
Yes, yes there is! Here’s all the information about it:
Get your entries in by midnight PST (GMT-7)
All approved submissions will be published on Monday, April 5
You can find all of the contest information in the handy link below.
If you haven’t written one yet, what are you waiting for???
From your friendly neighbourhood editing team,
who want to remind you that if you…
You are simply the cutest!!
I am having trouble containing my emotion over you.
I want to explain to you why…no…drop it…DROP….Drop...it…please. Good boy.
Now, where was I? Oh yes. I want to explain to you why you see me wringing my hands when I see you.
You see, I have an affliction. I suffer from a cond…Where are you going? Come back! What do you have? Oh, it’s just your bone. That’s ok. Good Joey.
I suffer from Cute Aggre…seriously?? Did you just pee on the floor? No, silly boy. We go outside to pee. Let’s go…
My father died on January 6, 2020, and I am grateful he didn't live longer than that.
I’m not a horrible person. And neither was he.
Let me be very clear about something; if my father could have had a long and healthy life, I would have wanted that. I didn’t want him to die.
If I could be certain that I would have another few years with him here, I may not be making such an offensive statement. But throughout 2019, he was an incredibly sick man.
It was hard enough to be a healthy person in 2020. …
How did this year both crawl and fly by at the same time?
A whole year, and I’m no better at finding the words that eluded me at your funeral. I allowed my three siblings to speak for me, as choking out unintelligible words through tears was not the way I wanted to honour you.
This past year, we went through all the firsts, and we did as many of them together as we could, given the circumstances. The circumstances I’m so grateful you avoided.
Is that strange?
To give anything for more time with you here, but…
One-hit wonders, the pay-dirt of the ‘80s. It seemed like there was a new one every week.
In fact, some sources will suggest that the ‘80s absolutely obliterated every decade, from the ‘50s through to today, in the sheer number of artists who only charted once.
Other, more analytical, sources would disagree, actually concluding that the ‘80s had near the fewest when compared to other decades.
But the volume of hits isn't what’s being served up at our ’80s cafe, today.
We are looking at the most memorable, top ranking, and best-selling songs by artists who only got their 15…
Flourish and fly
It’s all possible, I mumble
Unsure of who I am trying to convince
Flourish and be more than you are today
Just let go, you’ve done this before
To be what must
Then, so be it
And I push myself off the ledge
Catching updrafts that lift me over the roofs
Look down and see the small world from my bird’s eye
And spiral on the forceful wind
For one last time
And say goodbye
To a life that has run its course
Of highs and lows, days and nights, and in betweens
And stories to carry to the next…
Blow jobs, eating out, giving head, munching rug. Whatever you call it, it's awesome!
Ok, that may be opinion, but I’m quite certain it's a popular one.
Regardless, getting to third base falls into the category of taboo topics that aren't discussed at dinner parties. And as a result, there is a lot of misinformation, confusion, or disagreement on oral sex.
So let’s gab about going down, and see if we can separate fact from fiction.
Simply put, it is the act of using one’s mouth, tongue, and teeth on the genitalia or anus of another person, for the purpose…